"THE BOOK BAG"

AGAPE40

DAY 3

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Passage

“Everything comes from love, all is ordained for the salvation of man, God does nothing without this goal in mind. Everything that has being comes from God. Nothing, therefore, that happens to us—trouble or temptation or injury or torment or slander or anything else that could possibly happen to us—can or will disturb us. Rather, we are content and hold these things in reverence, reflecting that they come from God and are given to us as good favors, not out of hatred but out of love.”

St. Catherine of Siena

Today's Meditation

All of us carry a book bag

As we mentioned yesterday, knowing your spouse's temperament can help you understand the reasons why they react and act a certain way! Well, there are way more things to discover. We all carry a book bag full of past experiences, dreams, hopes, our temperaments, personalities, wounds, our childhood, culture, and much more. Throughout the course of our lives, we put inside this “book bag” everything we live, and everything in it can shape who we are. We walk into our spouse’s lives carrying a heavy book bag that has been filled out from our childhood to past relationships, from our dreams to our deepest sufferings. As a couple, it is crucial to open that bookbag and share with our spouse everything that is inside. Not only because your spouse should know everything about who you are and what you have lived, but also because it will help you avoid many conflicts.

Why do couples fight so much?

One of the biggest reasons is because they don’t know what’s inside their partner’s book bag. Many problems in marriage happen because people don't know where their spouse’s reaction is coming from. Wounds, for example, are major experiences that we carry into our marriage. Think of a woman who, when she was a little girl, got separated because of an affair. This separation might have created deep wounds that she will carry into her future relationships—trust issues, jealousy, or fear of commitment. So, knowing what our spouse carries allows us to stop unnecessary judgment whenever we see our partner’s reactions and thus act with charity to avoid conflicts from arising

Let us tell you a story

We all experience that moment when you are with a group of friends or family and you need to give your spouse a secret cue without people noticing. Well, Sara would pull Edwin's hand under the table. This was very upsetting to Edwin, and it would cause an argument or a bad look. Until one day, we learned that what was causing this discomfort was rooted in Edwin’s childhood. His father, at social events, would tend to pull his hand to shout at him to stay quiet, and that would make him feel shameful. It was such an overlooked wound, but it caused a great deal of problems. Now that Sara knows Edwin’s wound, she is more careful and tries a different cue that both have agreed to.

Open your book bags this Lent!

Lent is not only a time of preparation but also a transformative period. Allow your marriage to be transformed, and open your book bag. Share with your spouse those overlooked wounds or past experiences that shape the way you act in your marriage. Take some time to ask each other what is inside this book bag of their lives. If you haven’t before, ask about the way your spouse was raised, their childhood, and their fears. Don’t forget about the beauties in the book bag too. Ask about their dreams from when they were little and their happiest moments. Remember not to judge and to try to change each other. Rather, build each other up, helping to heal wounds and conquer the limitations that every book bag brings.

Today's Questions

What is something from your childhood that your spouse doesn't know but explains why you act a certain way?
What is a dream or goal you have not been able to accomplish and want your spouse's support?