Passage

"Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but [also] everyone for those of others. Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 2: 3-5

Today's Meditation

Adam and Eve, from the beginning of original sin, saw themselves naked and felt ashamed. Sin came into their lives. At this moment, the desire to please oneself is in the middle of their hearts. When God asked how they ate from the prohibited tree, they didn't take responsibility for their own wrongdoing but rather pointed to someone else. This is a natural behavior for human beings for self-preservation, which brings about selflessness, a result of the original sin. As a result, there is a major battle between humility and selfishness, where our thoughts and actions can tend to be self-centered.

Selfishness within our marital act 

Selfishness in the context of marital sex is one of the most horrible sins against the sacredness of our marriage. The marital act is the mirror of the wedding of Jesus saying to his bride, the Church, I give myself entirely to you, and the bride corresponding to that sacrifice also offering herself to her Groom Jesus. This is God’s plan for one’s marriage, and this becomes one's reality in the conjugal act. The husband gives himself entirely to his wife, and his wife gives herself entirely to her husband. There is no selfish thought or action involved. However, selfishness can easily sneak into our marriage and become a terrible sin that not only breaks our relationship with God but also destroys the dignity of our spouse. Within the marital act, eros brings forth Agape love. One needs to examine the heart and mind and think about what we are seeking in physical intimacy. Is there a desire to give yourself to your spouse out of agape love? or is it out of a false eros, which does not bring about Agape? Are you seeking to engage in physical intimacy for your own sexual gratification? Once that question is examined, if your desire is to freely and completely give yourself to your spouse out of eros-agape love, without any selfish desire, then it is a holy desire. But if the desire to engage in a marital act is seeking to fulfill sexual self-gratification, there is a selfish thought that needs to be eradicated. This kind of desire among spouses is basically using each other. This is not invisible; it will reflect not only in the physical intimacy but also in the marriage life, where one only uses the other for selfish reasons.

Selfishness kills love

When you feel used in your marriage, many detrimental questions may arise: “Am I an object to him/her? ... does not he or she love me? ... What did I do wrong to her or him?” Doubts start to creep into the individual's mind. The number of problems that these doubts bring about is innumerable. At the end of the day, if there is any kind of sin that disrupts a beautiful marital relationship, it is selfishness. Where there’s love, selfishness cannot exist. To love, we must truly be free of a self-centered mentality and give ourselves entirely to the good of the other. Just like Christ, we must die to ourselves to bring life into our marriage.

If you are or have been under the sin of selfishness and used your spouse for sexual self-gratification, there are a couple of things to do in order for your heart to eliminate this pitfall. First, one must understand that being selfish in the marital act is a mortal sin, and most of the time, mortal sin within a marriage came from a venial sin, and it was ignored. Just like a very small ball of snow coming down from a hill, it gets bigger and bigger and does a lot of damage on its way down. So also, any venial sin that is not taken into confession and sincerely repented for will give the enemy the opportunity to make his best moves to destroy and divide. Therefore, you must be aware of your spiritual and moral life. You cannot allow your mind to be entertained by any kind of source of impure thoughts such as pornography, cheating, desire for another person, or inappropriate movies; this will whisk into your marriage and kill your love.

When engaging in intimacy, remember that your spouse is a gift from God, as is marriage and physical intimacy. Try to practice looking into each other's eyes, because they are a window to the soul, and they will speak into the deepest desires of each other. This will help bring to life the key to your marital life. Give yourselves to one another out of Agape love.

Today's Questions

Have you treated your spouse selfishly? How can you eradicate this sin from your marriage?

Do you respect each other’s dignity and treat physical intimacy as a gift from God? How can you improve your self-giving love through physical intimacy?

Today's Challenge

Today, take a moment to look into each other's eyes. Express your love to your spouse.

Don't Forget

Pray together the HOLY ROSARY every day (sorrowful mysteries only)

Pray OVER EACH other every day

Let's Pray

Dedicate to Jesus one HOLY HOUR of Adoration per week

The Litany for Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart,
Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved.
From the desire of being extolled.
From the desire of being honored.
From the desire of being praised.
From the desire of being preferred to others.
From the desire of being consulted.
From the desire of being approved.
From the fear of being humiliated.
From the fear of being despised.
From the fear of suffering rebukes.
From the fear of being calumniated.
From the fear of being forgotten.
From the fear of being ridiculed.
From the fear of being wronged.
From the fear of being suspected.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I.
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease.
That others may be chosen and I set aside.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed.
That others may be preferred to me in everything.
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should.